Episode Title: Cats in The Quarry
Episode Type: Premiere
The title, “Cats in The Quarry” comes from a folktale written by Harry Chapin in 1974 called, “Cats in The Cradle”. The episode begins in the rented out Saint Sebastian Bank that had been turned into a new-collar therapy oranization at quarter to noon. Sean Fay had been refered to this particular, "middle ability" location via state mandate, due to his reputation of trying to lure his previous therapists into the quarry for unsaid reasons. Lawley was now his 18th therapist. He had only been able to schedule a 11:45 appointment, and, at that point of the winter, it didnt get dark until roughly 6:00 pm. Sean needed it to be dark- so he had time to kill.
Sean claimed that he couldn’t think sitting down and needed to walk or drive in order to talk. Lawley believed him, largely because he seemed to be pretty convincing and because Lawley experienced a strange feeling around Sean. On the way out of the office, Inna promptly questioned about Lawley's soon-to-be whereabouts with Sean. Lawley brushed away Inna's concerns and continued on his way. He had a rented Corvette, which were actually pretty cheap in the 2000s, drove up the snubbed moutainsides of Nebraska, stopped at a Native-owned Omaha market, the gas station, a commercial corn maze, and a horseweed field. Throughout these excursions, Sean had been amply talking about his problems. He told Lawley about his disappearing family, the Child Sinkhole, what he did in 1997, and his cousin, Denver Fay. Sean dabbled with this name quite a bit, making sure it stuck out amongst his otherwise very flat, tuneless voice. When the sun finally began to set, Sean turned to Lawley and asked him to drive into the quarry for one final jaunt.
The coralvile foundation moldered underneath the car as they rose above the terraced cliff, eventually parking behind a line of pine trees in the cross-bedding. Lawley got out of the car and Sean instructed him to hide in the bushes with a can of aerosol spray. Sean walked out into the level of the great dirt bed that was littered with skinny, protruding birch trees. Sean confessed to Lawley that he invited Denver to talk for closure, and wanted Lawley to be the mediator of the conversation, being Sean's therapist and all.
Suddenly a second car's bright lights cast strange, spindly shadows onto the hard caps of stone around them before quickly turning off. Sean lit a cigarette. Lawley watched a much rounder man get out of the second car and walk up to Sean. It was Denver, who was messy looking; wearing rubber boots and pants from the military supply store tucked in to the shafts. He stood taller than Sean, which was surprising since he was nearly 6'6 while slouching. Sean offered a cigarette to Denver, then passed a lighter. The cigarette Sean had given him had been tightly stuffed with cordite and gunpowder, which exploded in front of Denver's face, blowing his thumb and part of his lip off.
Meanwhile, the bushes that Lawley hid in were actually bushes of datura- a plant that causes extreme halucinations, bizzare behavior, and body spazms. Datura causes these behaviors simply by being smelled, so when Lawley had been breathing in a swarm of these flowers while in the bush, he got extremely high and delusional- causing the scene in front of him to become psychedelically incomprehensible.
Sean murdered Denver that night, and when Sean was finished, he grabbed Denver's body by the ankles and flipped him off the scarp of the quarry. He then walked to Denver's car, opened it, shifted the car into drive, and placed a large stone on the gas pedal, causing it to accelerate off of the cliff and down onto Denver's body below.
Sean picked Lawley out of the bushes and placed him in the car before getting in on the driver's side and drove them both down to the beach below. They took turns rinsing eachother's blood and dirt off on the beach sand sprayer.
Once finished with that, Sean drove back to his house, which was in truly in the tornado alley of the midwest. Sean took Lawley out of the back seat and placed him on his feet and encouraged him to walk to the house. It took almost ten minutes to get him circulated again, only for him to colapse onto Sean's faux animal hide couch after making it through the door. His wet clothes made messy streaks all over the seat as he struggled to get comfortable in a delirious state. Sean offered his bed to him- to which he took graciously.
Lawley was woken up by several missed calls from his receptionist, Inna, and, to his humiliation, found that he has been sleeping with a guy whom he recognized as being his patient from the night before.
Obviously they couldn’t tell anyone about what happened at Sean’s house. More importantly, they couldn’t tell anyone about what happened in the quarry. The problem was, only Sean knew what happened in the quarry. Lawley had been high for the entire time, and couldn’t understand what happened. Sean was now met with a moral dilemma - Lawley has no idea what crime he was involved in, and only Sean knows.
Episode Title: Prudence
Episode Type: Standalone
The title “Prudence” comes from Lawley’s demurral of the customs at the adult novelty and yugioh trading card store, “The Atomic Weasel”, due to his natural prudence. Jokingly, Tanaruz and Sean enroll Lawley as a “phone helper” through the Atomic Weasel company, insisting it was a form of therapy on the phone. Lawley struggles to piece the calls together, and to his humiliation, unravel the joke. But isn’t it nice having someone like Inna on your side?
Episode Title: Hockey
Episode Type: Standalone
The title “Hockey” is very self explanatory. Sean had showed Lawley the joys of being a freelance athlete, and the two have been previously filling in for a minor league hockey team, but begin to grow wary as the season runs into the spring. As the snow starts to melt, the ice grows thin. The team pleads to their coach that it would be dangerous to play this late into the winter, but to their dismay, the coach warrants a last game. There is a pathetic turnout for the game, and nothing really happens, except for a boy named David falling into the freezing lake and drowning that game. Given the amount of witnesses of this boy’s death, business at Lawley’s therapy organization flourishes.
Episode Title: My Cat is Born
Episode Type: Standalone
The title “My Cat is Born” comes from a book my mother owned as a child, called “My Puppy is Born”. During an afternoon appointment at the Saint Sebastian Therapy-Bank, Tanaruz loses focus and begins wondering aloud what Lawley would look like without his glasses. She takes his glasses, and quickly forgets to give them back before leaving the building and driving down to Jackson, Mississippi for a Powwow. Lawley heads home that night, and, due to his impaired vision, accidentally drives into the desert where he meets a wildcat, who he mistakes for a regular house cat. Charmed by her cuteness, Lawley takes the cat in and names her, “Simcha”. Lawley is very overjoyed to have a pet cat, and is very indifferent to Sean and Daisy insisting it was a wild animal who needed to be returned to nature. When Tanaruz returns from Mississippi and returns Lawley’s glasses, Lawley realizes that not only was Simcha a wild animal, but not rightfully his to keep. It is very hard returning her to the wild.
Episode Title: Hotmale.com
Episode Type: Standalone
Lawley falls for chain mail.
Episode Title: Movie Star
Episode Type: Relevant
Lawley decides to make a movie called "Stopař" about two students, one being a straight A student and the other being a truancy, running away from the pressures of going to college into the Zone of Death near the Idaho region of Yellowstone, but are quick to realize it's nothing like they expected and are forced to escape from a lawless land. Filming the movie itself goes pretty smoothly until Evan, who was cast as the main villan with a walmart bag tied on his head, gets too into character- chasing and torturing Sean and Lawley to a ridiculous level, even when the camera isn't rolling.